I know that in my previous post I said I was not hopeless. Somehow, I tumbled down that slippery slope and spent at least 2 straight weeks feeling hopeless. I am happy to say that I have recently emerged and am feeling less depressed, overwhelmed and lonely, and more or less content. With only occasional deep pangs of loneliness. I am slowly making new friends, I repeat, slowly. I have come to realize/remember that new friendships are hard work. You want this person to get the truest, best impression of you. You sometimes struggle to think of questions to ask, or stories to share. On the other hand, there are friendships that spring up like a well from the ground, and simply pour forth, without any effort. I am experiencing both kinds.
Then there are the friendships that are so old they need some dusting. Last week a very dear friend of mine came to visit. We have not seen one another for seven years. In the time between we have each lost friends to sudden, violent deaths, we have ended unhealthy relationships and started better ones, we have moved twice each. We have kept in loose contact, with infrequent emails and even more infrequent snail mail packages. We once were great pen-pals, but our communication had trickled off.
When she came into my house, everything was the same and it was different. She was taller than I remembered, but the way she spoke was just the same. She had stories with new names, and tales of new places. Our conversation was easy, though, and I felt nothing but comfort when talking with her because she knows me. She has known me longer than most anyone, besides my family. She held my children and we laughed, because who would have thought our lives would end up where they are now?
As the weather cools off and the new friendships grow, I find we're spending more time on tire swings, and around bonfires. Both are excellent simple joys, and reminders of all the other joy in my life that will take my breath away, if only I allow it.