12.03.2009

joy during the winter


I almost began "I can't believe it's been over a month since I've posted!", but in all actuality, I can believe that.
School is the main dish on my plate right now, with large helpings of family and pregnancy as sides. This pregnancy has been very difficult for me emotionally and mentally. I am still trying to embrace the fact that I am pregnant.

Meanwhile, it's turned into winter.
I have been noticing the bare trees, stark against the cold blue skies. I have been feeling depleted in every way, and sometimes feel I am struggling to make it through the day. I cannot help but to look forward to someday leaving this place, though I know that no matter where I live, I will still be who I am, and still struggle with the same things.
Winter is usually a mixture of two things for me: quiet reflection and wonder, and depression. The cold brings both clarity and a longing to withdraw into myself. The snow and empty branches feel both bleak and enlightening.

But there's also the joy. I feel joy when I'm warm in my winter scarf and hat, and crunching through the snow. I feel joy baking lemon scones and drinking tea in the afternoons. I feel joy in giving, and in loving.
What brings you during the winter?

6 comments:

natalie said...

i feel a lot of the same ways in the winter, too. i think you said it perfectly, actually.
& thank you for having me over the other night. being at your home brings so much joy to my life. i always feel so inspired after a visit :)

love you, dear friend!

kwhip said...

I looooove the family pictures Natalie and Luke took of you guys. Y'all are such a cute family.

Lainey Seyler said...

are those your christmas decorations because they're adorable. carry on, winter sucks but at least there's baked goods.

Jess said...

Natalie - glad to know I'm not the only one. I always feel inspired when hanging out with you, too! you are a big source of joy in my life.
Kelsey - thanks! they did a fantastic job!
Lainey - yes, those are my christmas decorations! thanks.

Danyell said...

Hmmm.

"Winter is a season of nostalgia", I began. But every season is, no? And for different reasons. I always remember mine and Jason's first Christmas together, and the smell of the heater turned on for the first time in months, and having our two new puppies that first year together. It was so joyous. Fall and winter belong to Jason, and summer to you (always <3).

Other sources of joy: seeing my mom for the first time since last year, shopping (!!!), scarves for my pets, baking a ham with my dad.

I miss you. I'm sorry you are so drained. I am, too, but I've been negatively manifesting it as anger and snippiness. It's no bueno.

kwhip said...

Jessica, I NEED more updates from you! (And pictures of your cute little boy!)