unearth

 

For anyone wondering about the project I was rambling on about in the last post, here are the long and short of it. The long: a book. The short: writing every day. 

The dream that I have is to write. It is also the very core of who I am, though I think I've been in denial for most of my life. As a child, I loved writing. I tore off covers of books and filled them with stories of fairies, forests, and so on. I wrote about world peace! I was idealistic, a bit of a dreamer, but very serious about my writing. Somehow in the last half of my life, my writing has sadly dropped away. At some point I began doubting myself, my writing, and everything in life. I became cynical. I consider myself an optimist, but it's hardest to be optimistic about my own dreams, I find. I've decided to pick it back up, because if I don't strive for my dreams, who will? 

I'm reading a couple books by Natalie Goldberg, and she's instilling courage in me and the willingness to write even when I don't want to, even when I feel I have nothing to say. Which is most the time. As for the short of it - writing every day - I'm learning discipline. As for the long of it - writing a book - I'm a far way off, but am hopeful for the eventuality. 

As I go along, writing everything I know and imagining what I don't, I unearth so much. Memories I had hidden away come to the surface. Things I didn't even know I remembered are coming up and surprising me, tapping me on the shoulder. I talked to my mom today and unearthed some painful parts of my (and her) past. I am fascinated by digging for the truth because it is such a huge job, and because it feels magnificently important. Also, it's fascinating because we all are unearthing, constantly. Learning about our past, about who we are now, who we were then, and who we might grow to be. We are learning about the world, material and spiritual. We each unearth, as if digging blindly and heroically, without ceasing.

What are you unearthing these days?