It seems that times of growth and change can be so difficult and often painful. I have had a difficult month, and that's why I haven't written. Though writing is my long lost love, and I know it is ameliorating, I often push it away in hard times. This year has just begun, yet I know it is the beginning of something special for me. I decided to begin truly appreciating life and thriving. This is my life, I realized, and if there is something I want to do, or make, or give, or see happen, then I need to do the work required to bring it to fruition. Though life is short, fleeting, and perhaps this lifetime is one in a million past or future lives, it is important and I do not wish to let it slip by. I read that you can view life one of two ways: as though nothing is a miracle, or as though every thing is a miracle. I would not consider myself a believer in miracles, but I appreciate the gist of this statement. I want to live as a child of illusion, taking it all in with wonder and curiosity. Backing away from my labeling mind, which constantly wants to judge situations or thoughts or people as "good"/"bad", and instead just coming at the world with an open mind.
I feel that when I decided to start living, truly living, a seed inside my heart and mind began to grow. As if on cue, a tiny tendril began to push against the surface. It hurt so much and it stirred all the dust and ancient hurts up, but still it pushed. That tendril broke through when the surface could not take the pressure any longer. The surface cracked, allowing the tendril to reach up blindly, pushing for more light.
Now I hope to water that seedling, and to nurture it. I wish to encourage it on its journey. What this means in real terms for me is that I would like to begin nurturing my spirit, in many different ways. Creating is at the core of my (and your) being. I would like to create more. I would like to write more. I would like to give more. And I would like to love more.
I often whisper sweet things to my baby, specifically "you belong", and I'm beginning to realize I also need to whisper that to myself. Because I believe that is what we all want, is to belong, and we do belong. We belong here, in this life. We can find purpose. We belong here in this moment. We can learn to take it in, and to be still long enough to really experience that peace and belonging. This is what I hope to learn, and to experience, and I hope this also for you.